What do you do if you find that your Significant Other is keeping secrets? Not just the little ones that we all do from time to time, but big ones – like finances, appointments, mail, phone calls, etc?
Well, the first question I would suggest you ask is how did a person that secretive became your significant other? Why were you willing to overlook that unwillingness to be open and honest? Remember, when you have serious relationship problems like this, it’s NOT the other person’s problem!! Yes, it’s their behavior, but the problem is that they’re in YOUR life, YOU put them there, and that means it’s YOUR problem.
If you don’t figure it out, you’ll do it again. Because it’s a sign that you have a subconscious attraction to people like that. You see, it’s not that you didn’t notice it before, you either ignored it (when he/she sees how wonderful I am they won’t do that any more) or it was actually what attracted you to them.
Whatever you do, don’t try to fix the other person. You can’t, only they can, and usually they don’t want to. You should at least have a discussion about how you feel, calmly, and see how they respond. No demands, just your feelings. Then you’ll know what to do. If you can’t work together, in open and honest communication, saddle up and hit the road.
To fix yourself, counseling or a group like CODA (Codependents Anonymous) can be life saving. Don’t get another relationship without doing the work.
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