One of the big problems that shows up in relationships is poor self image. Now, what does that mean? Well, it means that the person sees themselves as defective in some way. They feel that other people are better, smarter, more confident, more capable, better looking than they are. They feel incapable of doing what others do, and they have an unrealistic belief that things are easy for other people.
This belief shows up in two ways. Some people become shy, reserved, self critical and desperate at seeking acceptance. Others, especially men, become aggressive and combative, quick to take offense and sometimes violent. But the underlying problem is the same.
In relationships this behavior is very destructive because it breaks the chain of effective communication that relationships need. There’s no way you can have a relationship without occasionally rubbing your partner the wrong way or having a disagreement. Poor self image makes talking it out very difficult, because the person with the poor image takes everything personally. Any criticism is seen as confirmation of the fact that they’re defective or no good in some way, and so they react in extremely emotional ways that aren’t rational.
The solution is to get help to work on the self image problem. The best solution is a good therapist, and there are lower cost alternatives too. One of these alternatives that I know can really be helpful is CODA groups. CODA is Co-Dependents Anonymous, a wonderful organization that is similar to AA but designed for people with issues like self image. You can find them online here.
Whatever you do, do something. It takes a healthy person to have a healthy relationship, and you deserve it.
